Nothing Can You Find Here
Whoever you are, would have a profound secret. You may not reveal to anyone. but so many secrets that you have in your heart and it will only make your heart broken by itself. and that’s a story that I wanted to devote in this post.
Maybe I was a child who is cheerful and friendly in the eyes of all of you. but try to understand again, I’m tired. I’m tired of this constantly. This is not the real me. I’m just someone who is covering something up. This is only a part of me.
So many people who know me but no one knows me deeply. even I do not have a place of lean. no one really can trust just to share the sadness in my heart. I could do was write and keep writing without an address.
We all continue to pretend, we all continue to lie, either to others or ourselves. and now my heart was troubled much conflict would be the honesty and deceit. where should I believe? I can not even trust the way I lead is. I could feel the love because I live right? but I do not know what I feel.
This is so weird, I could feel the sadness, anger, fear, disappointment, envy, what is actually felt. even so, though I want to be understood that no one came and asked “what” to me. yes maybe it is also sad because crying is not suitable for me who is always laughing.
Therefore, no one who could understand me. because in the eyes of all I was just a figure who was always laughing, joking, fun, and noisy. but that’s just because I’m always trying to bury what could I buried alone.
I have many problems that face alone, and many of my problems I’m trying to accomplish. sometimes I also want someone to solve my problem. because this is too much for me.
I needed only one who can I devote all my heart. but I never found it. I can not believe in anyone. because even those close to me do not know the other side of my existence. maybe I was already accustomed to a listener and a lean, maybe is too heavy but I’ll try.